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Digital diary deep dive: Motivation for you.

Updated: Nov 22, 2022

Dear reader,

I wanted to take a brief moment to acknowledge and apologize for my absence in keeping these posts coming consistently.


Perhaps my form of balance and moderation sometimes pertains to my electronics and food choices?


I also wanted to share a digital gem I found while going through my older notes I had typed out for myself a while back. This note was kind of a diary entry of sorts that I wrote out in hopes of returning back that little sparkle of hope and a hug, that they too, can achieve what they want to for themselves.


**Side note: for those close to, or just starting out on your fasting journey, DOCUMENT IT ALL! Even if it's just for you to keep private for your personal motivation and inspiration on your journey. You're welcome :)


-vs



 


April 25th, 2020


My name is Vicki and I used to be 365 pounds. I have shed 173 pounds, crushed my weight loss goals, and now weigh 192. I am 5’11” and 36 years young.

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My journey is unfortunately unique, but it is all mine, and yes I draw strength from it.

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I have always been an emotional eater. Since adolescence, happiness, sadness, anxiety, and any other feeling I had, I went to food. I had always been labeled by friends and many family members as "the weird one," and I was never made to feel like I was wanted or belonged. This fueled a horrible relationship with my emotions and food. It got even worse when my mom passed away at 16.

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I got used to eating my feelings, I didn’t know of anything else to cope with. All through college and afterward... there were times I shed some weight here and there but it never stayed off.

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The worst came after losing my grandfather (my mother’s father) to health conditions that developed from an overly sedentary lifestyle, poor eating habits, and perpetuating grief since my mother's passing 17 years prior. After he passed, his wife, my grandmother (my mom's mother) very quickly let herself go into a downward spiral that led to her passing only 10 months after her husband. Her decline and the day-to-day effects that came with it was one of the worst and most trying times in my life at that moment.

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Her first spoken words to me on Mother’s Day were, “I want to die.”

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It was an almost daily routine of the stress and anxiety of witnessing her decline and then going home and stuffing my face to deal with it all. I knew what I was doing though, I was doing it to myself. It was the only coping mechanism I knew.

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After my grandmother passed I got to my heaviest weight and realized after seeing my reflection that keeping up with my self-sabotaging ways of eating my feelings would put me right where my grandparents were. I knew it.

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I didn’t want that future, so I decided to make a change.

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I knew about and had experience with a ketogenic-based diet so I started researching. I accidentally found a video testimonial about someone who water-fasted for a month. Of course, I was inspired but wasn’t convinced, but after watching a few more similar videos and gathering more info, I started with a 16:8.

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I shed 21lbs in two weeks, and I only implemented fasting into my life, no diet or lifestyle changes yet. That proof, along with all the science-backed information I continued to learn, fueled my desire to keep going. I knew I would be able to shed at least an additional 150 pounds to put me closer to a healthy BMI. I knew this goal was attainable. I also wanted to really challenge myself.

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It was the easiest "hard" thing I have ever tackled.

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My journey from that point had a tremendous amount of happy points with meeting increment goals that I set for myself. I increased my fasting window step by step from 16:8, to 20:4 and then to 23:1 as well as many extended, water-only fasts, over a period of time.

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Was it always easy and smooth sailing? No.

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Fast forward to April 2019 when we found out my husband had congestive heart failure and desperately needed a heart transplant. It felt as if he was shown a giant hourglass of time he had left and we were terrified. We had many talks about all his hospital and doctor visits and prescription side effects. He saw the effect my grandparents' demise had on me. He didn’t want my old habits to come back as we tried to work through every option we could for him and his future. It was so damn hard, but I always appreciated him being my biggest cheerleader. I was doing this for our future, but having him in my corner was everything I ever needed.

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On Nov 8th, 2019, our 4-year wedding anniversary, he was in the hospital for a few days already and I went to visit him as usual. I asked him if he knew what the day was and he did. He was under the impression he would be going home that day.

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We were wrong.

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Later in the day, I was approached by a nurse who told me she was from palliative care through hospice. She plainly stated that “Your husband is going to die.” I dropped to the floor and I lost it. I had an out-of-body moment of total emotional breakdown that still is with me to this day.

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Up to that point in my journey, fasting was always a part of my daily habits, every day. But shortly after being told my husband was dying, I realized I needed to take a strong hold on my inner emotional eating monster. She was in there, eager and ready to come back out. My first instinct was to keep myself as emotionally level as possible so I didn’t lose myself, not just for him, but for our kids who still needed me. So, I continued my fast. I didn't choose to fast out of vanity or a strong-willed fitness work ethic. Instead, it was fueled by a pure fierce determination to keep that damaging emotional eating monster away. I continued my fast through his emotionally difficult transition into hospice the next day, and then through to his last day when he passed on the 10th.

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I appreciated the intention and sentiment of people offering me food at every turn, but now, as a grieving widow, I didn’t want any of it. I had to refuse what I was being offered because I knew taking one bite, would lead to me eating the whole tray of whatever was being given to me. As odd as it sounds, I found strength in fasting and being emotionally present, and being in control of my feelings. I felt this was the best way to honor what we had, and who he was by not letting myself go to those deep dark places. Our kids needed a healthy strong mother, so I promised him I would be that mother to our kids.

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Now, over 20 months into this journey I have reached (and crushed) all my goals, through fasting. Simply choosing to not eat. Seems simple, but it’s so much more than that.

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Fasting is, in my opinion, the absolute best method to not just lose weight but to achieve overall health and wellness; mind, body, and soul.

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I now passionately share my journey with others because although my circumstances are unique, the feelings and emotions I went through and still work on daily, are not. Everyone has their own journey and back story with threads of similarity.

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Encouraging and helping others work through their journey with fasting has become my passion and future career plans, and I will continue living a balanced fasting-focused lifestyle for the rest of my life.

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The point of my long post is, yes, this will be the hardest, but it will also be the most rewarding thing you ever achieve for yourself. You truly have to love every second of this journey. It’s YOURS and yours alone, and you’ve got this!

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I believe in you! (Even if you don't)💪❤️🔥


-vs



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Sally Whitehorn
Sally Whitehorn
Jul 29, 2022

How does one get started?

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